Caring for a Parent with Mental Health Issues
Some of the hardest times in our family was when dad left and mum became a single parent. We had suffered lots of mental abuse and we lived out of washing baskets. We’d often go and stay at Grandma’s. Dad wasn’t part of my life and Mum experienced mentally unstable depression. It was hard to see her laying in her bed everyday and not get out. I was also doing a lot of caring for my brother as he wasn’t eating. Mum couldn’t tell him what to do. He just did anything he wanted. There weren’t any particular hard times. It was always a hard time and you kinda get used to it. I was doing a lot more chores around the house, always helping out with food. Mum would get up to make dinner sometimes but you always had to help out and provide that extra support. It didn’t bother me at that age. As a result I matured very fast. I was 10 and I was very mature for my age.
But then I started getting bullied in Year 6 and that was hard. I didn’t have a lot of friends. Then I went into High School and I found a group of friends. They turned on me and they were my only friends. I was a really nice bubbly girl. Once I got to year 8, I went downhill and I lost lots of weight and self-harmed. I was detached from the world. From then on, I just lost that bubbly bright personality. I wasn’t putting on a fake smile. I was just always being real with everyone. And then I got a lot better. I kinda just woke up and had a different mindset. I was so sad that I was clinging on to anyone that I could. My body was trying to find someone to cling onto to make me happy. Then I got a boyfriend and that was a happy time and that covered it for a bit. That boosted my confidence. I ended up making friends and life got a whole lot better.
There are skills I’ve developed that I wouldn’t have otherwise learned if I wasn’t a young carer, that have set me up for life. I’ve learnt life skills like how to cook, do loads of washing and pack my own lunches. When I leave school, I’ll know how to live on my own. I learnt how to handle money and starting making my own money a year ago. My experience caring for mum has nurtured my motivation to be independent. Being able to see what depression feels like from another point of view, has made me realise I wouldn’t want to put someone through this. I’ve seen how much depression is mentally draining on mum. It’s a disease. It’s made me appreciate my mum a lot more. I’ve seen some of the ways people treat their mothers.
Life is not a straight road of happiness. I’ve learnt to appreciate what’s been given to me instead of being ungrateful. I’m grateful for the small things like when mum might buy me something from the shops like clothing. I’m also grateful for our little family. It’s a happy family, built on love for each other. I know we can go through the worst times and still we’ll have love and care for each other.
What helps to get me through when mum is not doing too well with her mental health? Having a good friend base is good for me. And knowing that mum gets through it eventually. And knowing that she has her kids there, she can’t do anything silly. That’s what stopped her the first time, knowing she had kids there, keeps her on the right track.
Some people say that I have matured quickly because I am taking on big responsibilities for caring for a parent at a young age. And perhaps that’s a bad thing. But if they haven’t been through the situation I’ve been through, then they don’t have a definition of telling me whether it’s healthy or not. People might say that’s so unhealthy. But sometimes it’s a coping mechanism. And there could be lots of worse things happening. It’s not doing too much harm.
If I wasn’t around for mum, things could be a lot worse off for her. I was lucky to have her, just as much as she had me. I think it helped her a lot when it was just the three of us. It was just our little gang. It’s family but it’s also friendship. My mum is like my best friend. We both go through our stuff. She is mentally unstable and toxic sometimes but she’s an amazing person. We all go through our mental health things and that doesn’t define anyone. I give as much to her as she gives to me. I’m not the perfect child. I think it’s good for her, that we are on the same page with things. I can talk to her about anything. She’s always my best friend through High School and I like that.
I was giving mum love like she was giving me. We all need love sometimes. She always helped me and I helped her. It wasn’t a big deal. It wasn’t like I was paying the bills or anything. She always did that. Once she got better she was always an amazing mother, and loved me with all her heart.
Opportunity to be an Outsider Witness to this story
After reading this story, we invite you to write a message to send back to the author. Here are some questions to guide your response.
- As you read this story, were there any words or phrases that caught your attention? Which ones?
- When you read these words, what pictures came to your mind about the authors hopes for their life and what is important to them (ie. dreams, values and beliefs)? Can you describe that picture?
- Is there something about your own life that helps you connect with this part of the story? Can you share a story from your own experience that shows why this part of the story meant something to you?
- So what does it mean for you now, having read this story? How have you been moved? Where has this experience taken you to?
Please contact us with your response and we will forward your message to the author of this story.
