Some Insider Knowledge on dealing with Anxiety at School
This year I had some bad Panic Attacks. The Panic would sneak up on me like a black monster. It would make my stomach feel bad, my legs start shaking and affect my breathing. I had a feeling of misery. I would burst into tears. Everything is dark and empty when Panic is around. I might get a headache or bags under my eyes from crying.
It happened at school and people would think I was being overly dramatic. They would make jokes about me not being able to do stuff. If a teacher said we were going to do sport I could feel the Anxiety rising because I didn’t want to be around lots of people. Panic would tell me I shouldn’t do it because if you do, you’ll be teased. Some people have said hurtful things before. I’ve been bullied and picked on. It started to affect my sense of self and I let it bother me. I was even teased by some of my own family about the Anxiety. I would feel Angry and freak out really bad sometimes.
People didn’t understand me and what was going on when Panic was around. Teachers would give me weird looks. They would say I was only doing it for attention. My Year Advisor gave me a hard time once. I was told that they only wanted the best for me but they singled me out and everyone was looking at me. I felt like I was being interrogated. My PE teacher would dob on me. I felt unsupported and misunderstood. If only they could see what I was feeling, they would be terrified of the fear of that dark place. Instead of interrogating, I wished they would talk to me in ways that were helpful and didn’t make me feel so bad about myself.
These days I’m working hard to not let Anxiety turn into Panic. I’ve learnt some things along the way about what helps.
Talking to People
Now when I notice the first signs of Anxiety arising I talk to people. I reach out and call on the Learning Centre staff. They know what to do to support me.
I’ve learnt that if you don’t speak up and tell them what’s going on, they are unaware and can’t help. The more you talk about it, the more you get used to it.
I used to keep it to myself because I didn’t want to be a burden. My friends didn’t want to hear it because they don’t want to get involved in more drama.
Now I look for a certain helper that I trust, like XXXXX from the Learning Centre. She makes me feel comfortable. She is like a mother or sister and will give me a hug when I’m sad. She’s a nice person and everyone loves her. XXXXX is there when I need her; she’ll come into a class and sit up the back when I have to sit behind the boys. It makes me feel safer. She keeps an eye on me.
Standing Up for Myself
Once in Maths class, other kids wouldn’t leave me alone and I started getting mad. I told the teacher, I ignored them and told them to shut up. The teacher moved me for standing up for myself. I usually try to ignore people instead of saying something but sometimes you just have to stand up for yourself. Once two girls told me to jump off the local bridge and I told them to Shut Up. I try not to show them I’m hurt and I call their bluff. I flip the tables.
It takes Courage to stand up to people. I would actually prefer to stand up for someone else if they were picked on. I stood up for a trans friend once. I think talking about people behind their back is unfair. I tend to be a therapist to other young people at school. I’ve even talked people down from suicide or helped other people having an attack of Panic.
Learning to Help Myself
XXXXX knows that I tend to help other people more than myself. If people are sad in the Learning Centre, I’ll sit with them. But she has also noticed I am talking to her more about my own stuff. I’m trying to help myself, to not think of the thoughts of Anxiety and to think about things that make me happy.
Building Confidence
Anxiety tries to take over my brain and tell me I can’t do things. When Confidence is around, I feel lighter like a whole weight is lifted and I have a “Can Do” attitude. My whole body feels more relaxed. To keep Confidence alongside me I know I can talk to someone and they will stick by me.
When I’m having a bad day, Anxiety will try to convince me ‘I can’t do things’. Like when I have to go into a classroom and everyone might stare at me. But there have been times when Confidence has helped me just ignore other people and what they are doing, don’t make eye contact and just think about something else. I could think about my favourite anime character Erza. She would just walk in, sit down and start working.
The Power of Erza
Erza is my favourite character from anime. She is a strong female figure who stands up for the people she loves. She is a warrior queen who protects her guild. If Erza came across Anxiety she would beat it by taking caution and trying to find its weaknesses. She would say that Anxiety is weakened by Love and Brightness. She would weaken it with her armour of purity. If I hold Erza’s presence with me, she tells me “You are good enough”, “You won’t mess up” and “You can do this”. I can imagine she is there to help me.
Opportunity to be an Outsider Witness to this story
After reading this story, we invite you to write a message to send back to the author. Here are some questions to guide your response.
- As you read this story, were there any words or phrases that caught your attention? Which ones?
- When you read these words, what pictures came to your mind about the authors hopes for her life and what is important to her (ie. dreams, values and beliefs)? Can you describe that picture?
- Is there something about your own life that helps you connect with this part of the story? Can you share a story from your own experience that shows why this part of the story meant something to you?
- So what does it mean for you now, having read this story? How have you been moved? Where has this experience taken you to?
Please contact us with your response and we will forward your message to the author of this story.
